!!!

I havent posted on here in forever, and that is due to MANY MANY things lol. However, I have not forgotten about this dear blog of mine. I have a tumblr that I believe I will be posting on more frequently. The address is: http://blackgirlpain.tumblr.com/ I'm still trynna figure out how to get them combined lol, but once I figure that out this should run a lot more smoothly. Hope all is well with anyone who comes across this!

LOVE and loveliness

=]

This weather has been crazy. Traveling back and forth across the Atlantic has made quite a few things evident.

Most constant on my mind is: The Weather.

Weather has played an incredibly important role in a lot the past few months. I flew home from a place that normally doesn't get too much snow, throughout the winter. Therefore not being well suited enough to handle the blizzard thrown its way. [Which amounted to less than an inch of snow]

Imagine my surprise upon arriving to a city with a semi-functioning metro system in the midst of a blizzard that produced about two feet of snow...

Yea.

Shortly before my return to location A [one inch of snow] I received news of another weather related event in a climate I would have done many things to be in [more about that later]

Long story short, I've begun to marvel at the control weather or 'natural' elements have on humans moment to moment existence. The most life altering [no matter how miniscule they may seem now, they altered life in some way, be it for seconds, days, weeks etc] weather changes are forever embedded in my memory.

It puts my... our lack of control into perspective. I believe thats why I never had a problem with weather conversation. It was never small talk for me, weather plays a large part in human activity.

Anyhow, its been over a month. I've been dealing with what seems like perpetual transition. Its getting a little comfortable actually and I'm trying to figure out a balance here, so bare with me.

This is what I do...

....When I should be packing.

SOoooOoOoOoO00oo0000000oooOOooo00o

LMAO LMAO LMAO,

Sorry I just had an irresistible urge to type that like I would've about 7 years ago. Whoa...7 years ago...

-I was 12.

-I had just discovered ways to regurgitate all the things around me I didn't understand, or understood exceptionally well.

-I could'nt even fathom myself at 19...

I recently celebrated a birthday [November 30th for future reference ahem]

Everything has been so surreal lately, I barely noticed...

Next year I wont be a teenager. Sigh. Anyhoooow, the ladies have inspired me once again. I'm putting some love into this little blog of mine =]

In due time...in the meantime...I have to pack back to Um Ricka:

Cheeeessss!!

More about the many many feelings I have for that song later.
♥

So soooo behind, Life has been hectic. So Im just going to continue posting there will be 30 poems on this blog eventually.

Day ?

I was your instrumental once

horns round philadelphia suns

808s pulsating in pavement

I prompted those adlibs

I taught you how to ride a beat

sampled my dimple

looped it around your index

and pressed play

I hid inspiration

in the dead of autumns crunch

beneath black soles

for you to find

before you removed your tims

for me to rub

snare drum thumbs

into the arch of your foot

My grandmother

will never understand

the music we love in

she will however, recognize

the rhythm in our steps

the bass in my gaze

steady

trying to synthesize with

my acoustic guitar of a heart

with my eyelids like strings

plucked open with each

strum of your fingers

on the small of my back

Each silence a raindrop

gaining momentum

and multiplying into

a symphony splashing,

reverberating

on my tender tenor eardrums

your baritone roams the aqueduct

behind my eyes

and when I cry

it is not for loss

I am only flesh

just limbs

and extremities clamoring

scratched throat

swollen eyes

standing

pleading

for you to see me

I am only this flesh

The music in my walk

will never play through speakers

The melody in my voice

can not be re-mastered

I am only these bones

not drumsticks to beat

the heart into your lyrics

I am only this flesh

A back alley masterpiece

a street scene

wind caught

in a young woman's strands

a man cleaning

the dirt from his

childs hands

Open mouthed laughter

and the decaying molars

in the back

The first flower

to open on the first

day of spring

I am all of these

and the colors in between

I am not an EP

not a mixtape

I am just flesh

All of the things you

wont see with your ears open

and your eyes down

head bobbing

I just wish

you were

a visual learner

Haiku:

I can not love a

man who looks like me because

well, I mean...because

Day ??

I am leaving

it is in my way

I am my fathers daughter

I am leaving

it is in my way

My mothers firstborn

ushered me with phantom hands

they still linger

on my back

I feel the pressure there sometimes

I am leaving

it is in my way

my steps are always urgent

my feet lead me

as if I always have somewhere to be

I can only stand still

in constant motion

Again what Day is it??

I am letting you go

although I never had you

I seem unable to comprehend

these days

limited concepts of human interaction

I get ahead of myself

like too hard

too fast

because ive known

the hollow of

missing emotion

Im just trying to fill

my heart with as much

as I can find

as quickly as possible

That is an ugly place

Day 5:

Born 

the philosopher 

of the heavens 

I fall in love daily 

smile too much 

and laugh too loudly 

I am still uncomfortable 

in my body 

Born 

the philosopher 

of the heavens 

I fall in love daily

its always one sided 

smile too much 

with my big big nose

and laugh too loudly

with my big big mouth 

I am still uncomfortable 

in my body 

Day 6:

I.

Remember the day 

your father took your hand 

and said,

in a language 

with no place on his tongue

'look at the night sky 

endless and full'

You're eyes 

as wide as galaxies

shed vanity and tears 

engulfed in guilt 

for sharing the same 

universe as that sky 

II.

You have one dimple 

and a sharp tongue 

currently stained 

by blackberry 

with a cheeky smile 

you steal kisses 

from boys who 

are'nt sure why

 they like you 

III.

Head a mass 

of kinks

inside of it 

all of your screws 

are not tight;

Your aunt burns 

your forehead 

trynna straighten 

the wrong type of kink

 

IIII.

Everyday I miss conception

by seconds

I am one backspace away 

from existence on most 

screenwriters keyboards

It has been like this 

since I was born 

It will not be this way 

when I die

Noone writes petitions 

for the women of this land 

but their hearts,

are not as strong 

and calloused 

as their

hands

Drawing blanks 

I have been sketching 

emptiness and its perfect 

....Bare with me?? I'm trying, I promise.